A Way of Coping With Death
I had a “great” loss recently and found the article below to be comforting.
-Ed.
Death is inevitable and there are many ways of coping with it. The reality is, we must each find our own way, but there are certain things we can do, and viewpoints we can have that will ease the pain when we are faced with the loss of a loved one. The initial step is to start coping with death now. Healing always starts now.
You may or may not be dealing with the loss of a loved one right now, but do not let this deter you from learning the healing process. Death is an ongoing part of life, and so coping with death can be learned right now. If you're thinking: “I will deal with it when [insert name here] dies. I can't think about it now.” You are not completely correct.
Common Losses
You can learn to deal with it now by accepting what are called common losses or “temporary deaths”. They happen regularly; A friend moves away, a business colleague you like goes to work somewhere else, a close relative drifts apart or goes traveling for a year. These are all common losses, but don't make the mistake of believing they are not relevant. The way of coping with death and recovering from grief is to begin accepting all the common losses in life.
The way to accept the common losses is by holding on to your “self”, not by trying to hold on to another. So, when a person you love, or care for, dies, use this occurrence as an opportunity to find out more of your self. Obviously you will miss the person, but the not so obvious question is: Are you missing your self?
What is the meaning of missing your self? It means that you miss what you were feeling when that other person was around—that you were having particular feelings by way of having the other person there. This is natural and normal, but it also leads to intense feelings of grief and loss.
You must reflect deep within, and you must learn to get those feelings from being with yourself. The way to do this is to practice with the everyday common losses. Do this in trivial or even fun and positive ways. Coping with death can happen anytime and at any place.
An Example
As an example, you just had an inspiring conversation with a total stranger at the mall, then you separate and go your own ways. You experience a slight feeling of loss. Good. Pretend they have died and you lost them forever. This may sound unreasonable at first, but it is the incremental steps in life that will provide you the necessary skills you need for coping with death when a great loss occurs. Bear the common losses that happen all the time, and you will discover how to make peace with the tides of getting and losing.
As sure as the sun rises, death is part of life, so don't search for peace in the future, look for it now and you will find it.
